Conscious Metamorphosis

Something I did the other day, maybe two days ago. Was to take my iPhone (which I use way more than I ever thought I would) and start a new note. Not a big deal right? Well maybe, but it was really helpful to me at least the evening I did it because I started a list of things that have gone well for me.

Let me back up a bit and let you know why I was doing that in the first place…Sometimes I am not sure what to share on my blog. I have three all together (but of course, if one is good m-u-s-t add MORE) and this one is really dedicated to the process of evolution that I believe we are all hip deep in, on this lovely blue planet here at the beginning of the 21st Century.

I started this blog because I had ideas and visions and experiences that I thought might be of use to other people out there who may be having something similar happening to them in the midst of all this change. Being a metaphysical teacher and counselor, it kind of made sense to me. I am still very much in line with that intention. The thing is, I find that I sometimes edit my own experience because I want to be a place of inspiration rather than adding to the angst.

This is good in theory, but more difficult in practice, because I find I can be in such an “editing” mode that I don’t write as often as I might, or share all that I might. The thing is, there are most likely not that many people reading this anyway, so why all the self-critique? Part of it is just old habits, part of it is training, part is wanting to show up differently in various aspects of my life. What is occurring to me however, is that I often get so much value out of the experience of others as I hear their stories; what makes me think that only the “cream” of my experience will be of use to someone else? This is a process of shifting and change we are all involved in and sometimes it isn’t all neat and tidy.

If all I show is the neat and tidy aspects of what is going on, what kind of message does that give? And once again I have to ask who am I really writing for? If I am writing for my self and my own evolution then I need to be willing to process all that I am really processing, not just what I judge as being helpful to someone else; if I am writing for other people (and that gets sticky all on its own) then what makes me think that they are not going to relate to what ever it is that is up for me in my life at that moment? Law of attraction being what it is, wouldn’t it follow that whoever finds me on a given day will be drawn there simply by the vibrations of the thoughts and words that I am pondering, and wouldn’t that mean it is perfect all along?

Thoughts are like stars, they have their own gravity and collect their own solar system around them.

I am the creator of these thoughts, or perhaps I am the medium through which they come into this reality. Regardless I want to be in a place to respect that creative process and also revel in it; let my thoughts and ideas and observations come up from inside of me and spread out in all directions gathering what they will. I want to trust that whoever is reading, is here for some good of their own, and whatever I am sharing is going add to it in some fashion.

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So back to the other evening…I am juggling a lot of emotional things these days. I have lost a parent recently; and by lost meaning their energy is still around but their body is not. I have another parent who is living in a “memory care” unit of a lovely facility, but which costs a fair bit to maintain. I have someone who I am technically married to who no longer lives with me and I am completely unsure about which direction that relationship should or will go; and while I attract a lot of dollars, I have also created a series of situations where what was promised did not actually arrive.

I understand this is my creation; it doesn’t always help to know that (especially if I use it to beat myself up) and it isn’t the bit of information that will help change it. How often do we rack our brains trying to find the place that originated the issue in the first place? What was I thinking, why did I attract that? Why am I still dealing with “..fill in the blank..”?

We are all in the process of sifting through the stuff that needs to change; it is happening on a personal level; a governmental level; an environmental level; and a consciousness level. These shifts can be enormous or tiny; we are all part of this larger moving energy and the whole thing is evolving is leaps and bounds. I am sure you have noticed!

This is a lot to chew on, and I sometimes let it all go, and dive into the deep of me. Then there are times where the things of the day require my attention; I must attend to the various details which are mine to do. I find myself scared, or hurt, or angry. I find myself tempted to stay in those places longer than it is prudent for my own peace of mind.

I generally don’t stay there too long, it’s just much to uncomfortable; but I would be lying if I said I was never there, because I am, and I do feel those things.

I have been working with some of that this last week, after one of my bills (the one for my Mom) went up, while one particular income stream went way down (eek). This brought up fear, and anger and hurt all at the same time. In the midst of all of this I found myself thinking about the many many times (in the past) that amazing answers, and ideas, and opportunities, and even cash, came my way to solve my “dilema du jour”.

So I thought maybe I should write some of that down, remind myself about it, see if I am just making that up or if it really has happened that way. I starting with the note screen on my phone and now it is so long it takes at least 10 scrolls (with my finger) to get to the end; even writing this I have added two more.

I am writing about this because it is what is going on with me. The list I made helped remind me of all the “out of the blue” things that have happened over and over again. This is important because those are the “solar systems” I want to populate.

I now find that I could probably use re-reading this list more than once. I am not sure how this next phase will right itself. However I have this blog, and since this is definitely “spiritual evolution on a personal level” this topic is totally applicable. And I will keep you (whoever you are) and me posted.

Aloha and Blessings,

Erika