On the bridge to coconut island today, (Moku Ola, one of my favorite places to stand & think) entertaining deep, not entirely pleasant thoughts, but my thoughts nonetheless.
Doing this while watching kids jump off into the water…Watching the water…watching the minnows…Watching the world around me. Big tall guy, maybe a visitor to Hilo, walking on my side of the bridge looks like he might walk into me, doesn’t but passes behind me then stops & stands on my left. Asks me (in his slightly or maybe very tipsy voice) “Are you OK?”
(Says it almost as if he feels like he’s worried I might jump? Me wondering if he has been watching the kids jump off this very low bridge over and over. Probably not.)
He says “It’s just good to ask”.
Me, (even though I agree with that sentiment in principle) immediately establish my “don’t mess with me wall”, look directly at him and say “I’m good.”
To which he replies “OK I’ll leave you alone.” Which was the correct response on his part.
Interesting interaction. So many ways I might answer if it was someone I felt like I could answer.
Yes. No. Maybe. Right now I’m pondering deep thoughts. I’m looking at the water & thinking about how much I sometimes still seek approval and belonging. I’m dealing with aging. I just came from Pride that was a drive through event, which was deeply surreal and felt at once really good and really lonely.
I feel a little bad that I have to activate the iron wall, bad that I know from experience that to not do that in this situation (per intuition) rarely ends well. Part of me wanting to reward some level of caring. Wanting to say “I don’t know if anyone you ask that question these days, being completely honest in the social sense can truly answer in the affirmative”.
Maybe I reminded him of himself, maybe he was hoping to get lucky, maybe he was bad news. I wasn’t interested in a long enough conversation to find out.
I do however, appreciate any of his motives that were altruistic, since I might have had more of my inner workings showing on the outside as I was in mid-ponder.
And at the same time I would like to be able to have my thoughts uninterrupted while looking over the water. Which is usually the case.
So I took it as the Universe saying OK, you’re done, time to leave those thoughts for now. You spoke the truth, you are actually good. Nothing more to see here, move along.
Aloha and Blessings,